


Find My Way Back

by beautifulsolitude03



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Confusion, F/M, Just all around Lucas being confused about his feelings, Longing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 07:10:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10271093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulsolitude03/pseuds/beautifulsolitude03
Summary: The one where Lucas wouldn’t know what real love was if it hit him with a truck, and ran him over repeatedly.Or(Lucas realizes his mistake years later. When she is standing in front of him, sunlight kissing her skin. Eyes glinting mockingly, and that familiar smirk gracing her lips. It is only then that it occurs to him that maybe him and Riley were supposed to fall in love with one another, but not meant to be together.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> All rights to GMW belong to the creators of the show.

_"I admit I was afraid to love._  
_Not just love,_  
_but to love her._  
_For she was a stunning_  
_mystery. She carried things_  
_deep inside her that no one_  
_has yet to understand,_  
_and I,_  
_I was afraid to fail, like the others._

 _She was the ocean_  
_and I was just a boy_  
_who loved the waves_  
_but was completely_  
_terrified to_  
_swim."_

_— Christopher Poindexter_

^ ^ ^ ^

The day Lucas Friar meets the most intimidating girl in the world, he is thirteen and taking the New York City subway by himself for the first time.  
He and his mother had just moved from Austin, Texas.

And It had understandably taken his mother awhile to trust him enough to go out on his own.

Lucas is on his way to his first day at John Quincy Adams Middle School. His stomach churning nervously as the subway car swayed from side to side, making the words of the book he’s reading, blurry and unfocused.

New York wasn't like Texas. Everyone wore at least three layers in the winter, the streets were always crowded with the masses, and he hardly ever saw the stars.

Whereas in his hometown, the air smelled clean, and crisp in the morning. There was a soft quiet when the sun crept through the opening in his window and shone on his face, rousing him from sleep. And at night the sky was clear, full of bright twinkling stars.

Lucas sighed, he would miss it. But he would miss his friends more. He had been in New York long enough to know, he didn't belong here. Lucas belonged in Texas, he didn't think he could make it in the city.

Something drew Lucas from his thoughts. He still didn't know what caused him to look up. But he's grateful he had. His eyes straying from the book, and settling on his left.

He found two girls staring back at him. One, a tall brunette with big doe brown eyes, and an innocent smile. The other, a small blonde with stormy blues and a troublesome grin.

His stomach flipped, with a mixture of fear and anticipation.

They were beautiful.

The churning in his stomach grew worse, when the petite one approached him. She opened her mouth, before he could get a word out, and completely turned his thoughts to mush.

"Hi, I'm Maya. You're really cute. We should hang out sometime.” She sat down beside him, her wavy blonde hair falling past her shoulders. “You make me happy.” She said, with a smile that quickly morphed into a frown. “You don't pay enough attention to me. This isn't working out. It's you, not me. We can still be friends…” Here she cringed, “not really."

When she finished, Lucas was left wide eyed and confused. He couldn't get past the part where he was dated, and dumped within the same ten seconds.

Was this a New York thing?

He didn't know what to say, so he didn't. Instead, he watched her as she waltzed away, a certain swagger in each step as she returned to the cute doe eyed girl. However, the frown was wiped of his face, when Maya pushed her brunette haired friend toward him, and she landed in his lap.

He didn't know much, but the moment felt important, so momentous; he was beyond words.

The girl on his lap smiled. "I'm Riley,"

He chuckled, "I'm Lucas."

If possible, her smile brightened, “I love it.”

After that, his life was never quite the same.

How could it be?

 

* * *

 

Lucas walked into his history classroom. It was his second period of the day, and after the strange encounter on the subway, he didn't feel quite as nervous. He handed the teacher, Mr. Matthews, his class schedule, before turning to face the class.

A smile bloomed across his face, as surprise stirred in his chest. Riley, and Maya, the girls from the subway were sitting in the front row of the class. Lucas couldn't believe his luck.

He was happy to see not one but two familiar faces. He took the empty seat behind Riley’s. Briefly wondering if these girls were supposed to be his friends, meant to be his friends.

Riley glanced behind her, and smiled goofily.

Something in his stomach wriggled in response as he returned it.

Or if, perhaps they were meant to be something _else_ altogether.

* * *

 

Riley was sweet, kind, perfect, and knew what she wanted. Riley had liked him from the second she laid eyes on him. From the very instant she fell (but was really, pushed) onto his lap. Offered to him on a silver platter by her best friend.

Riley was the butterflies in Lucas' stomach, and the first girl he went all out for. He (and Maya) believed she deserved the fairy tale romance she always wanted. So, he gave it to her. Even if he was the farthest thing from the kind of Prince that Disney spun their tales around. Even if someone as good, and pure as Riley, should never have looked twice at a boy like him.

* * *

 

In time, he learned Maya was anything but petite. Everything about her was larger than life, and this was made known in her harsh comments, her brutal honesty, as well as in her heartbreak. She wore her pain like armor, like a reminder to keep the rest of the world out. She would say things, little comments that seemed to mean nothing, but really, kind of meant everything. So nonchalant about her hurt that it sometimes gnawed at his gut.

But, Maya was brave, and fearlessly free. She didn't need anyone (him) to come to her defence.

That said, he didn't really know what to make of her.

She teased Lucas, but it made him laugh so he couldn't exactly make her stop. Not when she went to such drastic measures to tease him. To mock him for his southern roots, and the kindness he (made sure he) wore daily. Creating nicknames out of thin air, names like: Ranger Rick, Huckleberry, Sundance, Bucky Mcboing Boing, Cowboy, etc... And at first, he wasn't sure if he liked the way she made fun of him, until he realized it was her way of seeing if he could take what she could dish out. If he was worth her time. Lucas was surprised to find, he wanted to be.

So he played along, didn't let her get to him like she so desperately wanted to. He became the guy, most likely to be okay with anything. Even when Maya played a guitar, and sang a song she made up about his "Ranger Rick" personality. He did not falter.

Maya wasn't like other girls. She didn't blindly trust like others did. No, her heart had been broken at only six years old, she was too smart for that. She had learned her lesson the first time. She was cautious with who she let in, who she trusted. And he respected that.

He felt he had always known she was going to be a tough one to crack, with her sharp edges, and devil may care attitude. How downright horrifying she was when angry.

But, none of that compared to how truly terrifying she was when she smiled at him. All small, softly, dimpled cheeks and no devious toothy grin. It struck like lighting inside his chest, and rumbled like thunder inside his blood. Like he should recognize what this was, but he didn't, he couldn't.

Lucas had known from the second he laid eyes on her, that she was frightening. He just never knew how much. Though it was safe to say he didn't know much about anything really, and he'd probably never know what to label Maya. Whether she was friend or foe, he might never be able to quite say. But, he knew one thing; she was the fireflies in his eyes, and the teasing in his smile.

For him, getting to know Maya was recognizing that she was pretty great, but she wasn't his. She didn't belong to him the same way Riley did. Despite that small knowledge, that small indisputable fact of life, she still grew on him, wormed her way underneath his skin with her mocking blue eyes, and challenging grin. Effortlessly, putting him at ease with her biting wit, and brash personality.

Maya Hart was the type of girl, a boy either loved or hated. There was no inbetween with someone so casual about stepping on others toes.

She was great. And he worried for her. Alot. Lucas wished he didn't (couldn't) care so much because the way his stomach tightened and tumbled was just too much. He could not describe how his insides tied itself in knots when she glanced at Riley’s uncle, Josh, with bright eyes, and an easy smile. He suspected (knew) it wouldn't ever leave. This constant swirling inside his stomach felt apart of him now.

It didn't make sense. None of it did.

Josh Matthews was seventeen. Three years older than Maya. And though, Lucas knew Josh had let Maya know that he thought he was too old for her. It didn't deter Maya.

In fact she remained almost relentless in her hunt for Josh Matthews. But, Maya only got that way when it involved something she cared about.

Despite her dedication, when it came to Josh she would always be three years too young. He would always know more, have experienced more than she had. She could never catch up.

Maya couldn't become seventeen overnight, even if she wished for it. Even if she wished for him.

Lucas didn't want to watch her waste her whole life hoping for something she could never have. He was aware he had no say in who his friends dated. In who _she_ dated.

But, the bottom line was that Lucas couldn't stand to see Maya get hurt. He didn't want Josh to break her heart like he knew he could. Like Lucas knew he would.

He wanted Maya to always stay the way she was; mocking smile, wicked eyes, and cracking jokes that made everyone (but mostly him) laugh.

He didn't know if she could still be _Maya_ , if her heart was broken again.

The truth was that Riley made him smile like no one else had in a long time. But, Maya made him laugh until his belly ached, his cheeks hurt, and he was so flushed he resembled a tomato.

No one had ever made him laugh like that. Not the way she did. Not the way she could.

Lucas just wanted to keep them both safe. To keep all his friends free of harm, and heartbreak.

 

* * *

 

Lucas's best friend, Isaiah (Zay) Babineaux, moved from Texas to New York because his dad had gotten a job transfer.

From the beginning Zay fit right into their little group. Only it didn't happen as quick as all that, because Zay knew things. Things that he had yet to tell Riley, and Maya. Things he had yet to tell Farkle, his other best friend.

It wasn't a secret, exactly. Lucas just didn't like to talk about it much. His past wasn't really important. Not when he wasn't the same person he was then.

But, Riley didn't see it that way. She assumed that he didn't tell her because he didn't trust her enough. That they weren't really friends. That he had "lied" to her, because he didn't tell her about something so crucial. But, it wasn't.

Lucas tried to give her small details hoping it would satisfy her, without giving away to much. Still, she pushed. And he didn't want to hurt her by telling her to leave it alone.

So, instead he showed her. When Zay's big mouth, yet again got him into trouble, he protected his best friend. Lucas was in the school hallway when he shoved the bully against the locker, looked him in the eyes and warned him not go to battle with him because Lucas would always come out the victor.

And she responded exactly how he expected. Her eyes gazing at him with something like fear, and sadness. She was ashamed. Of him. He had barely resisted the urge to shrink into himself, had just managed to squash the desire to become someone else. Someone better than him.

Lucas wanted to be all the things Riley saw in him.

Maya may have made a noise of approval, he wasn't sure. But, she didn't look at him like he was a disappointment, in fact her eyes gleamed with pride and for that very reason he was grateful.

It had surprised him, but not really all that much because he kind of expected it. And though it hurt, that Riley had looked at him like _that_ , he was just relieved he didn't let them both down.

* * *

 

Lucas and Maya were voted best couple for their eighth grade year book. Riley freaked, though he didn't see the problem. He actually found it kind of funny, because him and Maya had never even been on a date, and he's wasn't Maya's type.

She isn't really his either.

It still hurt Riley. Which hewasn't happy about, but he hadn't known what to say, known what to think. Lucas had thought that maybe she'd get over it by the next morning.

Instead when he walked into Mr. Matthews class, he found a gothic Riley, and a changed Farkle.

Lucas was shocked. But it grew worse when Maya walked in acting like she was Riley, wearing a brunette wig, and possessing a sunshiny personality.

Needless to say; It wasn't _her._

None of his friends were themselves, and he wasn't okay with it. Lucas made sure they knew as much.

Maya was the first to return to herself after a small mishap, claiming she was her, and Riley was Riley. That no one should change themselves based on another persons opinion of them.

After Maya, Riley was the next to become _her_ again. But Farkle remained changed. He called it growth, and said he was changing, that he wanted to discover who he was.

Everyone was okay with that.

* * *

Lucas arrived in Texas. Zay and Farkle on his left. Maya and Riley at his right. Their reactions though priceless, were expected. Riley smiled innocently at everything she saw, while Maya eyed everything with vague interest, a smug smirk along her lips.

He rolled his eyes, grinning as he sidled alongside Riley. This was the place he'd grown up in, and he couldn't wait to show them what his life had been like before them, and how it was after them. How he wouldn't really be him, without their friendship. How he owed them so much. How grateful he was that they were his friends.

How he wouldn't have survived New York without all of them. But, mostly Riley. Though sometimes her belief in the good in people amazed him. Lucas wasn't naive enough to believe no one would ever take advantage of that.

He did best to protect her from the big bad wolves of the world. He didn't like seeing small defenseless creatures get hurt. He never really figured out why, but he hated it.

Lucas liked Riley, would always like her. He had never been more sure of anything. Especially, a day later when the girls entered his living room after changing into some new clothes they had bought that didn't quite shout; hey we’re city girls!

Lucas' throat went dry at the sight of them. His cheeks flooding with warm heat. His stomach jolting in a way it never had before.

Riley wore a buttoned up denim jacket, and a skirt. Her straight brown locks free of the adorable pigtails she had set them in earlier. While Maya wore a white, long sleeved dress, a light brown vest resting over her shoulders. And a green pendant hanging loosely around her neck.

They were beautiful. They always had been. Riley with her giddy excitement, and childlike innocence, at the thought of seeing him redeem himself. And Maya with her teasing smirk, as she accused him of staring too long.

There was a familiar right-ness in the pit of his gut. As Maya moved him around his own home, bringing him close to Cletus and levelling their heights, only for him to HaHurr Lucas in his face. While she murmured something about knowing it was early, but her life was complete.

He struggled to hold in his laughter, as he held his temple and stared at the ground, like he was frustrated, because-dang it!-he couldn't let her win.

But the moment passed. The feeling forgotten as he prepared to ride, Tombstone the bull.

* * *

 

Riley supports him, tells him to be the hero she believes him to be.

Maya does not, can not watch him. She gives him an ultimatum; she won't ever speak to him again if he gets on the bull. She doesn't mean it. She can't. Lucas hopes she doesn't because he has no choice in this. He never did.

He gets on the bull, hands tight on the reins.

He glances one last time at Riley, trying to draw comfort from her sweet smile, inhaling deeply as he tries to gather all his courage. But he notices the absence of _her_ teasing smirk, of the brazen wit he knows is _her_ trademark, likes a gaping hollowness in his chest.

And for a moment; he is human. Human; and all too easily hurt. For a moment he is not a hero. But a very scared, and vulnerable boy.

He ignored this, it was too late to turn back.

 

* * *

 

Lucas mastered Tombstone the bull. And he was ecstatic. A dopey smile on his face, as he held the trophy up in the air. Triumphant.

He looked at Maya. At the stubborn set of her jaw. The ways her brows formed a tight concerned scowl. His arms fell. And his empty hand twitched, as if making to grab at thin air.

Dread filled his chest. She was never going to forgive him.

Time slowed and for an instant; he knew, he knew. Everything and nothing all at once.

He handed his grandfather the trophy.

Being a hero wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

* * *

 

Lucas was only fourteen. And he had already made a mess of things. Riley was pushing him away, and telling him that she only liked him like a brother, and he only liked her like a sister. That she realized that they loved each other like siblings. That their love for one another was strictly platonic.

He didn't think that's what they were. He had never seen her that way. And he told her that in front of the rest of the group. In front of Maya.

But she was desperate. In full Rileytown mode. And when Riley was like this, she could convince anyone of anything. She could change minds. And obliterate the fight out of anyone. If she thought it was for the right reasons. If she believed what she was doing was for the best.

So, he sighed, and accepted her proclamation with a tired nod.

* * *

 

  
Riley punches Lucas in the arm and haheees him. Which no matter how amusing, still leaves him speechless. He couldn't fathom how everything had turned upside down and twisted so intricately around that he couldn't make sense of what was going on.

Maya had yet to speak a word in his presence all afternoon. Not to tease him incessantly, like she usually did.

She doesn't even acknowledge him, it's as if he was never there. As if they had never met.

Lucas hates every moment of it.

When she finally speaks its to tell Riley she's doing the hahurr wrong. He can't help but jump at the chance to get a word out of her, even if it ends up with her yelling at him, at least then he would know she was still aware of his existence.

Lucas walks toward her, minimizing the distance between them that now felt so vast. Too vast. “Maya, are you seriously not going to talk to me?”

He tries to catch her gaze, hopeful that after twelve hours of no eye contact whatsoever she will finally _finally_ meet his eyes.

She does but it's not what he expected, not what he had hoped. Her crystal blues are swirling waves, crashing into Lucas and threatening to drown him.

The force of it slaps him in the face, as he recognizes the emotions for what they are. Maya is angry, sad, and hurt.

But, most of all disappointed.

Something inside his chest flinches, bends, but doesn't break.

“You could've gotten hurt on that stupid bull! What do you think that would've done to the people that…” Maya stops, pauses before letting her mouth click shut. Her eyes fall to the floor, looking incredibly tired.

Lucas’ heart hiccups in his chest. Pauses before accelerating as he catches the meaning in Maya's words, the meaning in her silence. Did Maya- No. Could Maya care for him? He didn't know.

“Care about you? I think you were going to say care about you.” Zay finishes for her, watching Maya with a knowing grin.

“I'm talking about everyone here.”

* * *

Pappy Joe sat on their front Porch, rocking in his chair. While he eyed, Lucas, a proud glint in his gaze. He told him to take his friends for a night out in Austin. He did. He took them to a grill that was home to the best barbecue in Texas, and known for playing great country music.

They sat around a table. Farkle, content after scarfing down a gigantic plate of ribs, and Zay, comically eyeing the innumerous number of rib bones.

While Riley smiled so wide it looked like it hurt, but Lucas wasn't stupid he caught the dimness in her eyes, the sadness that slowly pooled in them. And Maya, scowling as she stood away from the table, seeming to be unable to stand being near him.

He was not sure which hurt more.

* * *

Riley danced with him, and he was as confused as he was happy. But, then Riley stopped, looking off to the side.

Lucas curiously followed suit. A smile easily twisted along his lips, a well of warmth flowing through his gut. Maya would always be _Maya_ , would always be the Blonde Beauty of New York.

She was pulled close to Zay's side, who was awkwardly twirling her blonde locks around his finger. Conveniently, Vanessa, an old unrequited flame of Zay's, stood across from their table. The girl was nothing short of impressed, nothing short of apologetic. Lucas saw it in the slight hunch of Vanessa’s shoulders.

Maya may have been rough around the edges, and her words might always have a permanent bite to them, but she always protected her friends. Always.

So, as she played the role of Zay's "girlfriend" for the night, he wondered if anyone was ever going to be strong enough for her. Good enough. He blinked, Riley was on Zay's other side, leaning into him, her lips moving a mile a minute.

Something in Lucas' chest warmed.

* * *

 

They’re all sitting around a campfire. Riley on a log next to Farkle. Lucas at Maya's side, as she stared gloomily into the flames. Her troubled gaze following the camp fire’s flickering movements.

Riley stood up, resignation in her eyes, as she asked Farkle if he'd like her to buy him ice cream. And then as if she couldn't hold it in anymore, she told Lucas that Maya teased him for a reason. That she stepped back that day on the train so that Riley could have the chance to love him. That Maya has liked him all this time in silence. And never said a word.

Maya is confused, there's a weary edge to her voice when she speaks, "Riley what're you doing?"

"You need to feel whatever you need to feel, Maya."

* * *

Lucas watched Maya as she ignored his presence and gazed almost angrily into the campfire. Almost like she was thinking about using it to burn him alive if he didn't stop looking at her.

But he couldn't. Not for the life of him. Riley had said Maya liked him. His mind turned the thought over in his head. And he was blown away each and every time he examined the idea too closely, because she had certainly never showed it, never even gave the slightest hint that she cared for him in that way. Had she really liked him all this time? Since that day on the subway?

She teases him for a reason.

He asked her why she felt the need to mock him. "So, you don't make fun of me because you like me?"

She shook her head, "I'm just gonna watch this fire."

Lucas pushed, he needed answers, "Maya, why do you make fun of me?"

She was furious, the shadows of the flames moving along her face, making her seem cruel as she advanced forward, bombarding him with sharp words that she couldn't seem to stop from escaping.

"Because you're easy to make fun of!"

Lucas almost flinched then, but the anger brewing inside him prevented him from showing it. "Okay, then stop!"

She took a step toward him, "Because you're a huckleberry,” and another “because you're a Ranger Rick."

All at once the feeling dispersed, replaced by a deep hollowness. Like he was a hungry, empty monster that had never been fulfilled by the thing it wanted most, only tantalized by it. The feeling became more intense as she closed the distance between them.

"Would you stop?" Please, Maya, please.

But, she didn't. She got in his face, "Look, if I had feelings for you, don't you think I'd just come right out and say it? Well, I don't, so what I do say is ha-hurr!"

 The swirling inside his chest became a tempest, only made stronger by the ocean in hers. And the next thing Lucas knew, he was cradling her face in his palms as she gasped. Running his calloused thumbs over her soft cheeks, and leaning closer still.

The campfire crackled, and popped.

Lucas was so close, too close to her. He inhaled th faint scent of paint fumes, and lilies. It was strangely perfect. But, he pulled away, and it was her turn to be left wide eyed, left floundering.

Maya was confused, caught off guard, soft in a way. Almost vulnerable. But, she regained her composure too quickly for him to really be able to know for sure.

"Why did you do that?" It was a question asked too tenderly to have come from Maya, and yet... It did.

He didn't know. But, he gave the most believable answer. "I don't know, I just wanted you to stop!" He almost kicked himself when he remembered, Riley. "Please, don't tell my sister."

She raised an irritated eyebrow. "You couldn't think of another way to stop me?"

"Not at the time, no! I'm sorry."

Something in her eyes softened. Something -maybe the wall- inside her chest crumbled just a little bit. "You don't have to be sorry, Huckleberry. Of course, I like you. You're a good guy. If you got hurt, I don't know what I would have done."

And all he can do is look at her.

* * *

 

It's came as a surprise. A thrilling shock that ran the length of his spine. Igniting a hot rush in his blood. She liked him.

Maya Hart liked him. Something in his chest hummed at the thought.

But that wasn't right.

Lucas liked Riley, didn't he?

 

* * *

 Lucas liked them both; so much. He cared more for them, than he had any other girls in his short life. And he didn't think he had what it took to actually choose. To actually break either of their hearts.

It's the last thing he would want to do. But, he knew that whatever this was... Be it triangle or a quadrilateral. It absolutely could not destroy the girls friendship. He would never forgive himself if he did something to harm their relationship, all because he had to go and catch some feelings.

He was only fourteen, and he wasn't quite ready for this.

He didn't know if he ever would be.

* * *

 

Time passed, and soon he was in his freshman year of high school with two girlfriends. And as desirable as most guys made it seem, it didn't feel right.

Lucas couldn't quite settle the squirming in his stomach, when he introduced them both as his girlfriends with a forced smile, and eyes that couldn't quite look at either of them.

They don't talk about this.

Instead, as they stood in the stairwell, they argued over Riley's willingness to trust everybody she came across. He couldn't believe her naivety. That she could trust Seniors who embarrassed them, and made them stand inside a figurative hole. That mocked them, and told them that they were no longer kings, but servants, that they were like everybody else, and the world did not revolve around them. That they aren't special. That they never were.

And he wouldn't do it. He couldn't follow Riley this time. It was asking too much. Lucas tried to tell her that her trust was misplaced. That the older teens were bullies, and there was no lesson to be learned. That he wasn't strong enough to protect them anymore.

Something like fury vibrated in his bones when she didn't take his advice.

Sometimes, you're just too much for me, Riley.

The thought came out of nowhere, snook up on him from someplace deep inside, that was just too tired to fight her on this. She wouldn't listen. So he gave up. He was so angry at her for driving him to this, for forcing him to choose, that the thought escaped him before he could stop it.

"Sometimes, you're just too much for me, Riley."

She flinched away from him. Slinking back as if he'd struck her. He was sorry as soon as it came out, but he also wasn't. More words rushed to the tip of his tongue ready to lash out at anyone. Even sweet, defenceless, Riley.

Maya must have realized this, must've seen it in his face because she stepped in the space between Riley, and Lucas. Her eyes pleaded with him to stop. As if she could somehow salvage this situation.

Maya gazed at him with glassy eyes. "Can we please stop? This isn't us."

"And this is? I don't want this. I want to be on the football team."

Riley smiled condescendingly, like he was a child who hadn't learned how to count.

"Lucas, you'd get killed on the football team."

“You really believe that? You would trust some seniors over me?”

“I trust that there's a lesson here.”

Maya doesn't like arguing, or yelling. It reminds her too much of the days leading up to her dad's sudden disappearance. Of how easy it is for people to pick up and leave. And he doesn't like ripping open old wounds, he doesn't like reminding her of that pain. He hates himself for doing exactly what he promised he wouldn't. For fulfilling her worst fears. But he just couldn't. He was wounded and looking at Riley, hurt too much.

So, he turned his back and walked away, unwilling to let them (her) calm him. His anger is what carried him away, because the rest of him was begging to turn back. But, he still left them, Zay at his side.

As did Farkle and Smackle, joined at the hip.

They split the group.

Nothing was the way it should have been.

* * *

Lucas realized his mistake too late. He wanted to go to them immediately because he left them after he promised he wouldn't. He needed to fix this, to tell them they deserved better, and he'd try his hardest to be whatever it was he had been to them all this time, if they just gave him another chance.

Farkle was also quick to take the blame, because he left too. But Lucas, is the one who started all of this, and that was far worse.

He wanted to apologize, but had no idea how.

* * *

 

Maya, and Riley are the ones that find them. They drag them into Topanga's Bakery, and force the boys to look at them. While, Smackle watches quietly from her spot next to Farkle, her sharp eyes wide, and curious.

Zay gives a welcoming grin, as Maya lifts his chin. He has missed the girls, but mostly Maya. Lucas knows this because Zay looks at her with a fondness he does not have when he talks to Riley.

Lucas is not sure what to make of this. So, like most things he can't begin to understand, he lets it go. He was more entranced with the words Riley spoke, and the way Maya gripped his coller, and pulled him close, too close.

They are forgiven, and the amount of relief that Lucas feels, knocks the breath out of his lungs. He'd never known he could care about someone so much. About them so much.

* * *

 

He had chosen Riley from the very beginning. He will always choose her.

It's Riley.

The conclusion came to him after the triangle was put on hold. After Maya's identity crisis. After her period of leather jacket clad shoulders, and wild eyes.

After Lucas had tried to get through to Maya at Topanga's, and she blocked him out. Stepping away from him as he walked toward her, like she couldn't bear to hear the words that came out of his mouth. He knew, had known then, that he wasn't the one for Maya. Couldn't possibly be the one.

She needed someone wild to run with. And he couldn't do that, couldn't be that person anymore. He was different, not as impulsive as he once was. He was a boy who thought about his decisions, and made the safest, smartest choice possible.

Maya wanted someone who wasn't scared of her, and her endless passion. Who wasn't terrified of the bottomless oceans in her hungry eyes. But he would only encase her, cage her adventurous nature. And he would not do that.

He couldn't.

* * *

 

So, when they went on a field trip to Mount. Sun Ski Lodge, a place that held bad memories for Riley's father, their teacher, Mr. Matthews, he already knew his decision. Lucas had decided to wait, to give their situation some time to settle.

Riley's, Uncle Josh, had come along to chaperone the trip and make sure no one was getting into any inappropriate activities. Which Lucas didn't think was a very well thought out idea, seeing as all the freshman girls in his class were eyeing Josh just a little to closely.

Maya not excluded.But it was her life. And if she wanted Josh. She could have him.

He let Maya go. But before he did, they talked. They hugged. And after he thanked her, she called him her friend.

Lucas had smiled at her, despite the ghost of pain in his chest. Later, he let Riley know he chose her. And that was that.

+

Lucas Friar, is eighteen years old. And preparing for a study date with a cute girl that sits next to him in Economics. He can't help but smooth out the wrinkles in his blue collared shirt.

He was nervous, and knew it showed. But he hoped it wasn't as obvious as he thought it was. It had been two years since the break up, and for an embarrassing few of those months, checking out other girls had just felt wrong. So, technically, Lucas had only been available for eleven months, and ten days.

His hands shook. This was his first date in three years. He doesn't know how to do this. He hasn't done this with anyone else but Riley. His heart thumped loudly in his ears. His breath left him in harsh pants.

Lucas decided to wait it out.

The door opened, and the bell chimed when his date entered the diner. The strawberry blonde eyed him shyly, before she walked toward him.

Lucas couldn't control his movements, as he jumped out of his seat and apologized over and over to her. He told her he was wrong, that it wasn't right, that he wasn't ready, that he was so _so_ sorry.

He ran out of Topanga's, and didn't stop until he got to where he needed to be.

* * *

 

Lucas found her on the fire-escape, outside her window.

Maya Hart was sitting with a sketch pad on her lap, and a broken pencil in her hand. She was etching the New York City skyline into her paper, so immersed in her work, she didn't hear him slip onto the fire escape.

He leaned against the rails, as a draft of air chilled his skin. Pulling his coat closer, he looked up at the sky. The stars were bright, twinkling dots. And he wished he could see them all the time.

For some unknown reason, he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt, of regret from his bones. He just wanted to talk to her, because he was confused, and fucked up.

And she was the only one who ever understood just how much and liked him anyway. Lucas never understood it, had never comprehended just how much.

But, he wished he had.

Lucas eyed Maya's thin flannel sweater dubiously. He doubted it provided much warmth against the frigid chill that hung in the air.

"You look cold."

Maya jumped, dropping her sketchbook and pencil on the floor of the fire escape. The pencil rolled, and she scrambled to stop it but before she could even reach out, it fell over the edge, and was gone.

She eyed him, annoyed. "I'm not."

Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were flushed pink. She was lying, and because of her stubbornness, she was sure to catch a cold.

Lucas rolled his eyes, "You should take better care of yourself."

Just to spite him, it seemed, she pulled a cigarette from the pack in her pocket, stuck it between her lips, as she cupped the flame from her lighter against the light breeze that flowed against them, and lit the tip. She inhaled deeply, before letting out a smoky halo.

Maya eyed him wearily, sending an aching shock through his chest. Before, the break up with Riley, she never looked at him like that.

Granted, she never really bothered to look at him after he chose Riley, after someday with Josh became a possibility. A reality that only ended in heartbreak. After two years, Josh had decided three years was just too much. That he couldn't date someone so young, so inexperienced with the world.

It had left Maya in tears, shuddering in Riley's embrace. Lucas could've killed Josh, then for tossing her aside, and forgetting her so easily. For taking the fragile hope from her smile. He absolutely hated seeing her sad. How small and vulnerable she looked after, how he could do nothing, not really.

 "I always do." Maya smirked, a wry gleam in her gaze, as she eyed him quizzically. The cigarette sitting comfortably between her two fingers.

"Now, what can I do for you, Lukey?"

He looked down, this is what they had come too. Meaningless niceties. And something that could barely pass as a teasing remark. He hated it. And he almost said so, but she seemed to sense the tension in his body, sense whatever it was he had wanted to say, because the color drained from her cheeks.

It had been like this between the two of them, for months. They were great at being whatever they were together. Once.

Then, the triangle happened, and everything just kind of shifted. Lucas was able to look at her without timing how long someone was allowed to gaze at their "friend." He was able to smile at her without wondering if it was okay. Lucas could care about her, and in more than a strictly platonic way, because they were a lot of things, but definitely not _that_. Never _that_.

But, he had chosen Riley, had swore to himself he would always choose Riley. And for him to be able to fulfill that promise, something had to give.

Something had to be forsaken, forgotten. Abandoned by a warm fire, and stars so bright he wished they could've stayed like that forever.

Their friendship had took a hit, took many hits. Until, he supposed, it was as if they had never had a shared history at all. Until, she couldn't look at him, most likely out of disappointment, and he couldn't even glance in her general direction, without it feeling like someone kicked all the air out of his lungs.

God, he was an asshole.

Maya put out her cigarette, before she rolled to her feet, and moved to stand beside him as she leaned back against the rail. She crossed her arms, gave a dramatic sigh like she was doing him some great favor.

"What's a matta, Huckleberry?"

Lucas didn't respond. He didn't know how. So, he clenched his jaw, baracading all the wrong words that were dying to jump off his tongue, the words that would most likely get him a black eye, because as much as he enjoyed it when she acted rough, and intimidating, he didn't so much like being on the receiving end of it either.

"There must be some reason you look like someone kicked your horse?" Maya gently bumped his shoulder with the side of her head, because no matter how beautiful, she was still small. And no matter how rough, she was still soft, too soft. She needed to be protected from the world almost as much as Riley.

And he hadn't realized that 'til it was too late.

A grin cracked the gloomy tilt to his lips. Lucas almost thanked God she threw a cowboy reference his way. Maya pounced as she spotted his answering grin, elbowing him softly in the side. "I've still got it, don't I?"

He chuckled at her, "Got, what?"

"I can make you laugh."

"Was there ever any doubt?"

She grew still. Her silence an answer in itself. "For awhile there, yeah."

"Maya, you've always made me laugh. More than anyone else has in my whole life."

She met his eyes seriously, intensely. "Really?"

Lucas tapped his head against the crown of hers, "Really."

"Okay." Maya nodded, nonchalantly. As if what he had said hadn't struck a cord inside her. It nearly broke his heart, but he deserved it.

He deserved anything she could dish out, and he would take it, because he had no right being anywhere near her. Not when they rarely hung out, outside of meeting up as a group. And even then, there was always someone else to talk to, to look at, other than eachother. For years they kind of just co-existed like that.

But, he had missed her every day, to the point where if Riley was in his thoughts, so was Maya. Scenarios of when she was finally just going to crack one day played out in his head; she was going to look at him, and call him one nickname, any nickname.

He had constantly wondered how she was doing, and if she was alright, and if it was working out with that Tyler guy, and how he didn't really care but he wanted her to be happy, Lucas had always wanted that.

"So, you going to tell me what this visit is about, or what?" Maya watched him intently, a certain familiar spark in her gaze. A curious, but also somehow teasing tilt to her mouth.

He laughed as he looked down. "You're relentless."

"Only when it involves something I want," she smirked, when his jaw fell slack. "I was talking about the date you went on that you're too embarrassed to talk about." She flicked the side of his head, "C'mon did the shy cowboy make a fool of himself, all because a pretty darlin' sent a wink his way?"

He sighed, unable to look away from the mocking glint in her gaze. He was screwed. For the rest of his life he was going to be screwed. "I wouldn't say I made a fool of myself, exactly-"

Maya laughed, "oh, boy. This is going to be fun."

* * *

 

“When are you going to let her know?”

“What?” Lucas muttered, distractedly. Maya was dancing with Zay, a smirk upon her face as they traded words. Bantering in a way that usually made him smile.

But he couldn't. She was here, at the dance with a douche date, who had tried to keep her to himself the entire night. Thankfully Zay had charmed his way into getting a dance with Maya, who didn't seem to mind the interruption all that much.

Riley tilted her head in a way that said ‘Lucas, come on.’

She scoffed, “You know what!”

He wanted to not know. To be able to continue as if he hadn't a clue what she was referring to. Feign ignorance so he didn't have to talk about this particular subject with his ex. But, her eyes were narrowed in a way that told him he wasn't going to get off that easy.

She prodded him with an elbow, a sweet grin shining upon her features as she nodded toward Maya, who Zay twirled under his arm with a ridiculous chuckle. The lights around the gym sharpened her features, brightening her sandy blonde hair a bright gold, highlighting the lovely dimples in her cheek. She laughed, light and warm. Giddy in a way that stole his breath.

Something in his chest softened. Flashes of a memory where the light of a campfire had illuminated her so beautifully that he'd forgot himself, actually entertained the idea of being someone else, anyone else if only for a moment. Someone who wasn't a coward. A boy who was brave enough to kiss her.

He sighed. She was so gorgeous it broke his heart.

Riley chuckled, muttering under her breath. “Just spill your heart out, why don't ya!”

Lucas looked up at the cieling groaning frustratedly at the amused smile that split his lips. “Riley its-”

“Complicated.” She finished for him, rolling her eyes as if it was an excuse she heard all the time. Which wasn't at all true, the subject had only ever been broached once between them, then never again. It wasn't something he was comfortable talking about, especially with Riley.

When the song ended, so did Maya and Zay's dance. Maya walked toward them, leaving Zay so he could resume dancing quite happily with Smackle.

Lucas’ heart dipped, as Maya ran a hand though her curled hair, biting softly at her lip. She stopped short once she caught his glance, realizing then what he had known all along.

Under his gaze she shifted awkwardly on her feet. Like she didn't know what to do.

 _Jesus_ , he wanted her so badly. More than anything or anyone. He had for a long time. And it only occured to him now how badly he had cheated himself, when he had denied himself what he wanted. When he had denied her.

Her date appears out of nowhere and blocks her path to them. Wrapping his hand around her small wrist, attempting to snag her for another dance. But, Maya -stubborn as all hell-doesn't budge. The boy doesn't seem to like that so he tugs harder, pulls her arm so roughly she almost stumbles into him.

Something cold slithers up his spine, and in his blood. His feet are moving before he can stop them, unfortunately or fortunately (depends on how you look at it) Riley steps in front of him, her hands squeezing his shoulders.

“No, Lucas. She can handle this.”

He wants to pick Riley up, and move her out of the way. Place her in Farkle's- all danced out- arms. So, he can do what he does best when he's doing it for anyone other than Maya. Lucas wasn't proud to admit it, but she seemed to get hurt regardless of if he was there or not. Whether he was the cause or not.

It doesn't stop the urge to keep her safe. Nothing ever has. Even when they pretended that there wasn't a _them_. That they were a slip up. A fluke. A mistake of adolescence. Of misunderstanding.

Lucas swings around Riley, clearing his path in time to see Maya glare at the boy so hard he shrinks back. Maya is furious as she shoves her date so hard he is forced a few feet back.

The dancing goes on uninterrupted. The surrounding teenagers blind to what was unfolding beyond their awareness. Maya gave her infamous smirk, taking a dangerous step in her ex-date’s direction.

The boy turned tail, and ran. Retreating into a crowd of swaying teenagers. Maya seemed to have half a mind to follow him, as she watched him disappear. 

Lucas sighed with relief. But also with a bit of sadness. She never seemed to need him to protect her. That was most likely due to having been left to her own devices at such a young age.

Maya was strong. Always had been.

“Told ya.” Riley muttered under her breath, with a roll of her eyes. Lucas payed her no mind, he was too busy watching Maya worriedly. Quietly wondering if she was going to be okay. She seemed angry, and just the littlest bit shaken.

She does the exact opposite of what he expects. She always has. Maya turns back, catching his eye, and sending him a knowing look. Raising her brows in silent concern; _Are you going to be okay?_

Lucas almost laughs, she so used to putting others before herself she doesn't even spare a moment for her own emotions, to consider if she, herself is going to be alright.

Maya is too hard on herself. Constantly putting others hearts before her own.

He waves her off, and just looks at her despite the sad twinge in his chest.

_Are you okay?_

* * *

 

Riley doesn't bother him again that night. She parts with a soft sigh, and a frustrated comment, “it's never going to be easy. Or the right timing. Or even uncomplicated. Love never is.”

 _Love_. Lucas had felt it's stirrings once. But he has never actually said it. Not to anyone. Not Riley. Not Maya. Not even to give a name to what he feels, to put some label on the strong emotions Maya stirs inside him.

But Lucas doesn't deny it, because yeah that's exactly it. And she's exactly right.

He remembers a moment, a flashing memory that burns behind his eyelids, and scorches his heart.

_Maya is sitting next to Lucas in front of a crackling fireplace, smiling with bright mischief gleaming in her gaze. “So it's you and me forever?”_

* * *

 

The day after the dance, it's fucking freezing. Despite the sun slowly rising its way along the sky. He's been laying there for hours, having already talked himself into telling Maya how he felt about her that very day.

The only problem was his legs refused to move. His body felt too heavy, and his heart a beating burden in his chest.

He'd had his chance, how foolish was he to believe he'd get another. How much of an asshole was he to believe that she'd ever reciprocate.

How could she ever care about him like _that_. Love him like _that_. When Lucas had acted the way he had. Chosen who he had. It wasn't fair of him unleash this on her.

Not when she was in a better place now then she was back then, all those years ago. Maya was more confident in her skin. She knew who she was now.

No one could debate with Maya how unlike _her_ she was. Maya was beautiful, on the surface and deep down.

She was Maya Penelope Hart-Hunter. A girl who was a hybrid of an artist and rebel. A demon and an absolute angel. The perfect balance of light and dark.

But, most importantly Maya was herself. And Lucas didn't want to do anything to harm that growth. To cause her to question everything that she knew.

Maya deserved better than that. Maya deserved the whole _fucking_ world.

A knock on his window drew him from his thoughts. He looked at it, and his heart flipped. Maya was on his fire escape. 

 

* * *

 

Lucas scrambled out of bed, and across the room. Propping the window open, and looking at her in dumbfounded disbelief.

She is standing in front of him, fresh sunlight kissing her skin. Eyes glinting mockingly, and that familiar smirk gracing her lips.

The sight causes his heart to race, and his blood to shudder.

It is only then that it occurs to him that there was a reason things ended the way they did. Maybe him and Riley were supposed to fall in love with one another, but not meant to be together.

“You going to invite me inside or what?”

He backs away from the window, to give her room as she slides through.  
Maya ends up standing so close, Lucas’ skin tingles where her arm brushes his, and he can't for the life of him bring himself to move.

Maya sighs, shaking her head with fond amusement. She slides past him, their chests brushing and a wave of desire rushes along his spine. It's so strong, Lucas thinks he might actually collapse.

Heat blooms along his cheeks, as she sends him a cruel little wink. She _knows_. Maya _knows_ , and she's fucking torturing him.

Lucas knows he deserves it.

Maya sits on his bed, her dangling feet crossing. She raises an eyebrow, before patting the spot beside her, inviting him to sit down on his own bed.

The humor of which is not lost on him. In fact a smile curves his lips, and a chuckle escapes him, as he looks at her. All haughty pout, mischeivous ocean eyes, and soft smile.

Lucas’s heart hummed. The briefest swirling of _something_ stirred inside his chest. He wasn't stupid he knew what that _something_ was. Some part of him had always known.

Lucas hadn't been ready for it- for her then. He supposed- wanted to believe- that was the real reason why Maya had claimed not really liking him. That she hadn't ever liked him. He couldn't quite help the way his body flinched away from the memory. It _fucking_ hurt.

God, he hoped he was right, because he didn't think he'd ever get over it. Over her.

Maya must see something in his face because something in her gaze softened. She was always able to read him too easily. Or _or_ she’s so adept at recognizing pain after years of constantly getting her heart stomped on that she'd know it anywhere.

The thought angers him. Life had not always been so kind to her.

Her gaze is gentle when it catches his. Understanding shading her eyes a baby blue. “Are you ready?”

Maya doesn't hold her hand out, or crook her finger toward him like he know she would. Like Lucas knows she wants too. She want him to come to her on his own. To sit beside her, and choose her. Without any outside forces pushing him into something he might not want.

She's giving him a choice. Lucas’s hopes, dreams, and decisions matter to her. Maya cares about what he wants. She always has. Even when they were fourteen, and all he knew was that his heart was confused.

She wanted him to choose who made his cowboy heart go _clipity-clop._

He had lost his way, amongst all the drama and confusion. But, he had been slowly emerging from the fog that had come over all of them. He was finding his way back. 

And where that path was leading was not a surprise. 

Lucas was desperately, inevitably coming back to Maya. It had always been her. Logic and infatuation may have caused him to choose Riley. But, his heart had always _always_ chose Maya.

The bed dips under his weight. “I am.”

Maya nods solemnly, seriously. Before tugging Lucas down by the collar of his shirt.

Lucas chest fills with what seems a bubbly light, when he feels her smile against his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> This quote does not belong to me. All credit goes to the author. And the title was Inspired by the song 'Find My Way Back' by Eric Arjes


End file.
